If you and your spouse are about to embark on a divorce and have children, you will eventually have to tell them about the major changes that are going to take place and how it will impact their lives. The initial conversation you have with your children will have a major impact on them, so it is important to have a clear plan moving forward.
Below we have compiled a list of tips that should help you and your spouse tell your children about your impending divorce:
- If possible, tell your children about your divorce together. Presenting a unified front will help reassure them that although your relationship as husband and wife is changing, you are still both their parents and will always care for them. This means you should also try to plan to have this conversation at a time when you are not likely to lose your temper with one another. It will not do your children any good if you are at each other’s throats while trying to convey a message of love and support to them.
- Have this conversation with your children in a quiet space and make sure that nothing more needs to be done afterward. For example, having this talk at the start of the weekend would allow your children a chance to process this information and come back to you with questions in the hours and days following the initial discussion. Whatever you do, make sure you do not have this conversation before bedtime or before you drop them off at school. It does not give them the opportunity to start a meaningful dialogue or the time they need to cope with this information.
- Tell your children’s teachers the day before you tell them. This will give their teachers a chance to prepare for or anticipate the possibility of any acting out. However, make sure their teachers understand the importance of being sensitive and discreet with this information. You are only informing them so they can be understanding and empathetic of what your children are going through.
- When you speak to your children about your divorce, remember to drive certain key points across. You need to assure them that this was not a decision that they could have had any influence over. The decision to divorce was an adult decision and they had no part in it. It is also critical that you do not start playing the blame game, no matter how angry you are with your spouse. Pointing fingers will only make your children feel as though they must choose sides, which will only do them harm. Lastly, it is important for your children to understand that you will continue to be a family, despite the fact that you will no longer be married. You will both continue to love them and be their parents.
- If you have a plan in place, tell them about it. For example, if one of you is planning to move out of the marital home, tell them when, where, and how often they might be able to visit the moving parent. Make sure you do not tell them of any plans that you are unsure of and do not make promises you cannot keep.
- Be ready for their reactions or even the lack thereof. The truth is that not all children react the same. Some might throw a tantrum and become quite upset, whereas others might not exhibit any emotions or ask any questions. If your children are not forthcoming about their feelings, try not to hound them over it, but be there for them when they are ready to talk. Ask them how they are doing and ask if they need to talk, or simply offer a loving hug.
The most important thing for you to communicate to your children is that they will continue to be loved and cared for by both you and your spouse, regardless of the divorce. Be there for your children and, in the end, you and your family will eventually get through this and start a brighter chapter in life.
Divorce Attorney in Newton
If you and your spouse can no longer make your marriage work and have decided to get a divorce, this is undoubtedly an emotional and difficult time for you. To ensure you get through this process smoothly, it is imperative that you hire a skilled and knowledgeable divorce attorney. At The Halks Firm, our team of divorce attorneys in Newton is dedicated to guiding every client we serve through every step of the divorce process to ensure they achieve their goals and are able to move forward with their new life.
Get started on your case today and contact our law firm at (781) 995-0107 to request your free initial case evaluation.